You should take a look at the newspaper...

OTR is on the front page of the Tempo section in today's paper. It's worth reading.

a thought of mine...

Last night we talked about what enriches our lives, what that looks like and how we are able to enrich each other’s lives. Thoughts that came about were conversations, books, etc. I went home and flipped the tv on, mostly for background noise (it’s sad, but true). And after having wasted two hours on watching shows that I didn’t really enrich my life I went to sleep wishing I hadn’t stayed up as late and wishing I had been more productive in using my time (like cleaning my room or writing). Having said all that, my hope is to limit my television watching. I’d like to say I’d only watch it an hour a week for Survivor but that isn’t very realistic. Instead of automatically turning on the telly I plan to listen to some great tunes, read some great things, write more often, and actually get some things done around the house.

wedding mania

I have three weddings coming up in as many months. (they all occur within a 35 day span) Does anyone want to go with me? ;-)

dammit, it's almost april...

I know that books are wonderful and for far too long I have not let them be apart of my world nearly enough. It wasn't a resolution really, but my thinking began the beginning of this year of wanting to read at least one book each month. That has yet to happen. I'm glad that I have people in my life that enjoy reading (and are pretty darn smart) to remind me that i'm slacking. I have only finished one book this year thus far. I have a loaned book from Ben about the Civil War, which is another thing that I'd love to learn about. I've started one or two more but I'm ready for something fresh and different. I think that I want something a bit lighter as things in reality seem to be a bit much.

Any suggestions?

The trip to NC and back...

The trip was probably one of the most emotionally draining trips that I've ever experienced. I'm not sure how much of that was visible on the outside but it was consuming the thoughts within me. I had a surprisingly great conversation with Tim while there. It was what I needed: caring support from a friend while I tried to process through life as I know it.

Sunday was a beautiful day with temperatures near 80 degrees, it was a great break from the harsh weather back home. Monday I found myself being intimidated by a bunch of third graders. Seriously. How does this happen? I'm bigger than them. Tuesday was the trip home, we had beautiful driving weather and gorgeous scenery. It made me feel apart of something bigger than me, bigger than my issues, and something better. I've discovered, yet again, that I do believe in God and I keep pushing that belief away in hopes that there will be answers to why I feel the way that I feel. I finally finished Blue Like Jazz (after having put it on hold for quite a few months) on the drive home and I think that from where I picked things up and to the end it was especially great considering where I am in my life.

I think that some hard decisions need to be made and I don’t know if I am ready to follow through on those decisions. Some honest conversations need to happen with several people in order to get to a healthier place with life.

happy news

:-) Little baby Gehrig was born on March 10th.

Also, I bought myself a camera. I'm super excited and can't wait to learn more.

a bit better...

I feel better about things now than I did four days ago despite not having spent a lot of time reflecting, something that I think will be beneficial for me. I did read something this morning that was helpful. It was about freedom and belonging, which might be what I am so desperately longing for.

It’s amazing how anxious our group is for the arrival of Gehrig. He is going to be here soon….only days, maybe even minutes. WOW!

Something I’m not as excited about is having to emotionally wade through this whole divorce thing. I haven’t really had to deal with it as much as a lot of kids do when their parents get divorced. My dad is now engaged and his fiancé mentioned that he wants to get married in May. The girls of the family talked it over and hope that they will wait until September since May is less than two months away and there would only be one weekend (maybe) that would be open since there is so much going on within the next couple of months. On top of all that I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that I will have a step-brother and a step-sister once this is all said and done. I have this strange emotion (almost anger) attached to that thought. I am pretty sure it is because I don’t want our family to change from the way that I have always known it. Shawn, Duane, Daniel, Dana, and Lyle sort of rolls off the tongue after 20 plus years of saying it. I don’t want to have to add two more names to that list as if they are my siblings. I know that this is probably really selfish but dammit I’m barely dealing with my original family and I don’t want more fuel to add to the fire of why my family is so dysfunctional.


Good news:
I’m probably going to be buying a camera today. I’m super excited. I’m in the process of learning more about photography. (#2 on my list)

reason #239 that I should be in counseling...

I've gone and done it again. I promised myself that it wouldn't happen this time. 'No, I can't put myself through this again.' I said to myself. Yet, somehow I did. I let myself sleep in the comfort of familiarity instead of staring into the face of truth and reality. As a result I've spent the last hour letting the tears softly flow telling myself that I knew this wouldn't work out all along and now it must all come to a crashing halt. This isn't how I want to live, so weak and without a voice. How do I start all over again? I'm tired of living in pain and hiding from the past. I can't pretend anymore.

ick

Who knew that a simple act such as swallowing could be so painful when you have a cold (or whatever it is that I have)?

slow and steady...

I've lost a total of 5 pounds since I began this whole "healthier" thing 3 weeks ago. I lost the first 4 in the first two weeks. And, I think that I'm done with the whole "no bread" thing, mostly because I think I am choosing not-as-good options than I would if I let myself have whole grains (like eating bacon and eggs instead of a healthy cereal and fruit for breakfast isn't really a good change).

anywho, I don't know how things are going to go in the next few days as I think I have a sinus infection and will be drinking lots of hot tea and sugary-throat drops.

whew

I made it through the first day of having to talk with rep's on the phone. I only took like two calls and they were easy. The best thing that happened at work today was getting my new monitor. It's a fancy schmancy flat-screen. Everyone else in the office is a bit jealous. ;-)