a bit better...
I feel better about things now than I did four days ago despite not having spent a lot of time reflecting, something that I think will be beneficial for me. I did read something this morning that was helpful. It was about freedom and belonging, which might be what I am so desperately longing for.
It’s amazing how anxious our group is for the arrival of Gehrig. He is going to be here soon….only days, maybe even minutes. WOW!
Something I’m not as excited about is having to emotionally wade through this whole divorce thing. I haven’t really had to deal with it as much as a lot of kids do when their parents get divorced. My dad is now engaged and his fiancé mentioned that he wants to get married in May. The girls of the family talked it over and hope that they will wait until September since May is less than two months away and there would only be one weekend (maybe) that would be open since there is so much going on within the next couple of months. On top of all that I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that I will have a step-brother and a step-sister once this is all said and done. I have this strange emotion (almost anger) attached to that thought. I am pretty sure it is because I don’t want our family to change from the way that I have always known it. Shawn, Duane, Daniel, Dana, and Lyle sort of rolls off the tongue after 20 plus years of saying it. I don’t want to have to add two more names to that list as if they are my siblings. I know that this is probably really selfish but dammit I’m barely dealing with my original family and I don’t want more fuel to add to the fire of why my family is so dysfunctional.
Good news:
I’m probably going to be buying a camera today. I’m super excited. I’m in the process of learning more about photography. (#2 on my list)
It’s amazing how anxious our group is for the arrival of Gehrig. He is going to be here soon….only days, maybe even minutes. WOW!
Something I’m not as excited about is having to emotionally wade through this whole divorce thing. I haven’t really had to deal with it as much as a lot of kids do when their parents get divorced. My dad is now engaged and his fiancé mentioned that he wants to get married in May. The girls of the family talked it over and hope that they will wait until September since May is less than two months away and there would only be one weekend (maybe) that would be open since there is so much going on within the next couple of months. On top of all that I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that I will have a step-brother and a step-sister once this is all said and done. I have this strange emotion (almost anger) attached to that thought. I am pretty sure it is because I don’t want our family to change from the way that I have always known it. Shawn, Duane, Daniel, Dana, and Lyle sort of rolls off the tongue after 20 plus years of saying it. I don’t want to have to add two more names to that list as if they are my siblings. I know that this is probably really selfish but dammit I’m barely dealing with my original family and I don’t want more fuel to add to the fire of why my family is so dysfunctional.
Good news:
I’m probably going to be buying a camera today. I’m super excited. I’m in the process of learning more about photography. (#2 on my list)
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