"Tomorrow" turned into a month long absence...
Life is difficult sometimes (as you may tell from my previous post). Even though we're only 19 days into the new year I can tell that this year there will result in a lot of changes and hopefully a lot of growth. That said, I have many difficult and painful decisions to make.
Tim and I have been talking a lot about if we should really be together. It isn't that either of us have lost our love for one another. In fact, I'm quite certain that I will always love him (even if it isn't romantic love) despite the outcome. If we aren't meant to be together then the decision that has to be made will be more painful than I care to imagine. I don't want to give up everything that we have. He has become my best friend in a lot of ways (I hesitate to say "best" b/c I reserve that for Wiggy and my sister). He has been my comforter, encourager, motivator, prayer warrior, and my love. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. I love the security and warmth of his embrace. I love him caring for me and his honesty and his love. Even with all the things I love about him and our relationship there are obvious things that hinder our relationship. Things that are appearing more important or more of a problem than once thought.
I decided to stay at Great American until June 30th. That doesn't necessarily mean I will stay until that date (if I left earlier I would forgo a nice severance package) if I happen to find a promising job. I have no idea what I would like my next job and/or career to be. Should it be in the insurance field, ministry, or other? Should I move outside of Cincy? I need to move out of my place by the end of May or June. I will need to find a new place and new people to live with. Living with people can be difficult. I'm sick of having roommates that I never interact with and on the rare occasion I do see them the contact between us is very awkward. On the same note, I'm not sure I want to take on the risk of living with friends for fear of something going wrong and losing any type of relationship.
Needless to say, I have a lot going through my head lately. Pray for me. On a side note: I found out that a high school classmate of mine comitted suicide last week. It sadens me that they thought their life wasn't worth living anymore.
Tim and I have been talking a lot about if we should really be together. It isn't that either of us have lost our love for one another. In fact, I'm quite certain that I will always love him (even if it isn't romantic love) despite the outcome. If we aren't meant to be together then the decision that has to be made will be more painful than I care to imagine. I don't want to give up everything that we have. He has become my best friend in a lot of ways (I hesitate to say "best" b/c I reserve that for Wiggy and my sister). He has been my comforter, encourager, motivator, prayer warrior, and my love. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. I love the security and warmth of his embrace. I love him caring for me and his honesty and his love. Even with all the things I love about him and our relationship there are obvious things that hinder our relationship. Things that are appearing more important or more of a problem than once thought.
I decided to stay at Great American until June 30th. That doesn't necessarily mean I will stay until that date (if I left earlier I would forgo a nice severance package) if I happen to find a promising job. I have no idea what I would like my next job and/or career to be. Should it be in the insurance field, ministry, or other? Should I move outside of Cincy? I need to move out of my place by the end of May or June. I will need to find a new place and new people to live with. Living with people can be difficult. I'm sick of having roommates that I never interact with and on the rare occasion I do see them the contact between us is very awkward. On the same note, I'm not sure I want to take on the risk of living with friends for fear of something going wrong and losing any type of relationship.
Needless to say, I have a lot going through my head lately. Pray for me. On a side note: I found out that a high school classmate of mine comitted suicide last week. It sadens me that they thought their life wasn't worth living anymore.
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