"I really think I'll be O.K."

I’m trying to force myself not to cry as I sit here and I listen to Latter Days repeat for the third time. “What a beautiful piece of heartache.” Remnants of the email conversation between Jen and myself still stirring in my mind. “They’ve taken their toll these later days.” Everything feels like it is still stirring within. Other recent conversations and unspoken words fill my head. “Call it the shadow of myself.” Will I let the words speak truth? I’m still so afraid. “But tell them it’s real” It’s just me. Alone. I’m still so afraid.

“I just don’t have much left to say. They’ve taken their toll these latter days.”

Big Brother

I can check myspace and waiterrant now. makes me wonder if people from the work-y place are "watching me".

*doo-dooo-do-doo*

Oh no...

Apparently someone at work has decided to block some of my favorite sites. Seriously. I no longer have access to waiterrant, any sites on myspace, and I'm not sure what else (at least not at work, which is nearly my only source of internet).

I hope blogger isn't next on their list. That would be a sad day.

pieces of truth

A few days ago I finished A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. I realize there was quite a bit of controversy with this book, and that isn’t the reason that I read it. It was simply a book that I had heard was an interesting read and my co-worker brought it in a few months ago to lend to me; I finally picked it up last week. Once I started reading, and after the first 100 or so pages, the story became very enthralling. I wanted to find out what happened. I knew the guy survived, but I wanted to find out how everything ended. I'm a sucker for happy endings. (Not that I would call this ending 'happy'.)

Something that struck me while reading:
“Leonard breaks down and starts weeping. It is a strong shaking sobbing wracking weeping, the weeping that comes from a wound that will never heal. I let him weep, leave him be with his memories and his loss and his pain. I would offer him comfort, but it wouldn’t matter. The wounds that never heal can only be mourned alone.” Pg. 193

Memoir, novel, fiction, non-fiction, whatever. It's a book worth reading.

crafty...

I tell people (mostly Holly) all the time about how I should or could just make something instead of buying it, like a pillowcase made out of microsuede that would be super comfy for her. That's something I could follow through on. It's only straight stiches on three side. Pretty straight-forward and easy. Very unlike the Roman shade that hasn't happened.

Anyhow, I am a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy. Love it. A few friends of mine and I are going to watch Season 1 over the summer. We've already watched four episodes in two weeks and better slow down or we're gonna be done pretty darn soon.

Getting back to being crafty (or a wannabe for that matter), in the show Meredith refers to Dereck as her McDreamy. (*sigh*) And, for what it's worth I know this is probably not the most mature idea or anything, but I think it's funny and I'm single and I love Grey's Anatomy. Seriously.

"all hell has broken loose..."

some things are not good. and they're scary. any amount of prayers, well-wishes, and good vibes you're willing to send would be super appreciated.

soaking in

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realize my mistake
But time through a prayer, to me
And all around me, it came still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came, century
And I felt my spirit flyI had felt, all of my, reality
I realize what it takes'

Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bet), don't bet (don't bet)
Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside felt that all in all
But the message here was plain to see
Believe:

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bet), don't bet (don't bet)
Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.

~Love's Divine by Seal