What to do...what to do...

I'm feeling a little stressed these days. Tons of things to think about as of late. Things that scare me. Lots of big decisions to make. This is one of the times where I wish I could be a kid again and then have some grown up make the right decision and then let me take my life back over after the decision is made. I suppose I must face up to the reality of it all. (drat!) Anywho, please be praying for me and me making some right decisions. I'll post tomorrow and let you know some of the thoughts going through my head.
lots of love. ~dana

things to think about

Beautiful chaos

Tuesday nights I get to hang out with some very awesome people. As we all get ready for dinner it seems to me this is the way family should be. Some people getting ice, others filling glasses with liquid. Someone making yummy mashed potatoes, another person stirring the corn. Another couple of people sharing what's been going on in their lives. And yet another person setting the table. It was crazy! And I loved every second of it!! Genuine and wholesome and important are words that come to mind when I think of Tuesday night group. (fondly called bensgroup) awww, it makes me smile :-)

"I thought you weren't allowed to get those"
That's what my brother says to me after I mention I'd like to get a tatoo. funny how that works, isn't it? He's under the presumption (like a lot of different people are) that Christians shouldn't have or get tatoos. My idiotic reply was, "well that verse was in the old testament" to which he says, "ooooh, so it's ok now then?" in almost a criticizing tone. I added in a "ya know, old covenant, new covenant thing." almost under my breath. Why the hell do I believe something but have nothing to back it up. Actually, I'm not even sure I really believe it...just going along with the idea it'd be cool to get a tatoo and I don't think God is gonna get "mad" at me over it or send me to hell and I know some pretty cool faith-filled people that are ok with it. tho, I guess I should figure some things out before I open my big mouth again. I wonder what he thinks about me not praying before I ate last night, or what my views are on Christmas (the real thing vs. what Christmas entails in my life now). I wonder if he thinks I am a good sister, a good person, a good friend, a good Christian (if there is such a thing).


Decisions, decisions...
So, I found out yesterday that I actually get to choose when I get laid off from work. It can either be April 30th or June 30th. There are advantages and disadvantages for each. I'll update more on this later.

What I'll miss most...

The relationships that have now turned into friendships. Working with people that genuinely care. The atmosphere while working. The company and how they treat their employees. The benefits. I'm gonna miss those 20 days of paid time off every year. The short drive to work.

I've spent the morning crying and reflecting and wondering what the next step of my life should and will be. The life division of our company (my department) were called into a meeting this morning with our president and vice-president. I half expected news of new layoffs (business has been very slow for a long time now). I did not know what we would soon find out would be so widespread. Our company will no longer be in the life insurance industry after the end of April. So, I'll have a job until April and maybe until the end of June (tho, i doubt that for several reasons). This news is shocking and strange. I'm left with a feeling of uncertainty right now.

A note on my computer reads, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8

I'll be reading that verse a lot more regularly in the months to come. God is faithful and I am blessed even in the midst of this uncertainty.

Loving people where they are...

It is life-changing and unique and difficult. This weekend I spent some time doing some things that most christians would be shocked by. Not only shocked but they would probably be likely to dismiss all my values and ignore any insight that I'd share. I'm not sure where I stand on the whole "if you do that it might affect your christian witness" and the verse about not doing something that would cause your brother to stumble.

things in my world.

Jen's sick. The doctors haven't figured it out yet. She has to have blood taken today. She doesn't have any insurance cuz she's been willing to offer a her time to Youth for Christ for free. So, please pray for her. I know that God can provide for her. God could totally heal her. A friend from high school, Laura, has something wrong with her foot and might need a 3rd surgery to try to fix it. It is hard to imagine not being able to walk for months and months at a time.

I'm not sure how to live my life anymore. Am I wasting my time? Sure, I have lots of fun and some great memories. But, is that really enough? What about my day-to-day life?

yesterday was my mom's 45th birthday! She means so much to me. I can't imagine my life without her. :-) Some measley birthday present just isn't enough. If I could wave my magic wand I would:
Take her on a trip to Ireland. (well, we'd go there first)
Then we'd go to England to visit some friends and then we'd head to Tybee Island in Georgia and enjoy soaking in the rays (or me lathering up with sunscreen).
I'd buy her tons of souveniors of just about anything she wants. Hmm, summer house on tybee? sounds good to me. I'll write a check...is that ok?
I would post an ad for an eligible wonderful, talented, loveable guy for her and screen them all to make sure.
I would build her dream house for her. With walk in closets and in the garage a brand new car and the car she's always wanted, a 1969 Camaro RSSS in the color of her choice. There would be one room that could be a relax room with candles and soothing music and a massage table. Plus, a library filled with books and room for the ones she would accumulate. The kitchen would take up at least half of the first floor and would have comfortable seating in it.
i'd make her company only let her work 1st shift cuz she hates 2nd and 3rd. Plus, she could only work that part time and then garden/cook/read/enjoy the other time.
There's more but i'm out of time. Anywho. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you.

Thoughts are random today. good and bad. so...that's part of my little world.