Repeat

Another weekend of fun with my niece, I'll miss her the next two. She makes for one adorable CareBear.

I wonder

Rosa Parks died yesterday. We learned about her in our history classes. Now that she is no longer alive I think about what her life contained. I wonder what changes she experienced in being alive for the past 92 years. I wonder what it was like to be apart of the turbulant times of the past and the unspoken tension of the present. I also wonder what changes she continued to pursue in her own life.

Several years ago my dad and I somehow started a discussion of a hypothetical situation of me dating a man with a skin color that is not my own. His response was to give me a Bible verse, one that I don't remember now and one that had nothing to do with the situation. It pissed me off for a number of reasons including that he would use my faith (for a lack of a better word or description) to deter me from dating someone of another race. It hurt that he thought people of another race were/are inferior to his race, even if it was unspoken.


I'm not without guilt. I still struggle with all these issues but I want to be more aware and more loving and more open. So, to all the Rosa Parks of the world, thank you for being courageous and for contining to change lives.

~from a white girl.

not 2004

This last Friday evening Grandma Jo and I made our way through the rain to the Art Museum to listen to Michael Wilson, a local photographer that we both have connections to, hers from the past; mine from the present. It was a pleasure to listen to Michael chat about how he got started doing what he’s doing. The exhibit was amazing, yet expectedly crowded and I left hoping to visit again when I am able to take my time and not feel forced to move to the next photograph. Grandma Jo and I headed back to her house where we ate Butter Pecan ice cream and Cheetos. We talked and laughed until late into the night and I decided I needed to get some sleep. I made it home by 2am and snuggled into my bed. (Grandma Jo’s birthday is today. If you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her, trust me that she is a very warm, caring, and wonderful woman. Happy Birthday, Gram!)

After not nearly enough sleep I rolled out of bed excited for what the day would bring. I drove to Baker-Hunt and made my way to the darkroom. It was quiet. I had never been in that room by myself, but I was looking forward to being in control of how I spent my time. After several hours of making prints (and loving every minute of it) I decided that I really needed to stop and get some lunch. Plus, I guessed that the caretaker would eventually find that someone was using the room and would question me, even though my teacher gave me permission. I was glad that Holly called and even gladder when I returned her call and she offered lunch, the apple was not enough to sustain me. Holly has become a trusted friend and I am so glad that she is apart of my life. We are so very different, but are able to appreciate each other’s differences. I love that she gets me to talk about things that I normally don’t talk about, heavier and deeper conversation. I was excited to be able to show her some of my photos that I had just printed as some of them were pics that I had taken of her to try to figure out exposure and aperture and such. It’s a hard thing because I love that I am finally doing this for myself, but I also am very insecure about what other people think about it, especially since I don’t feel that I know what I’m doing. So, Holly thanks for being great and thanks for being willing to look at my stuff and for being supportive. I think you’re neat.

On the way home to shower and change into layer-able clothes I talked to Tim. I’m super glad that things are the way they are between us. It is good, better than I expected. I was looking forward to seeing my niece, nephew, and mom. It proved to be a difficult night to be around the kids since there was a block party going on and all they wanted to do was run around. It was a hard balance to let them have fun and do what they want and yet not end up hurt. Hugs, kisses, and smiles made up for all the difficulty. An unexpected night of Holly staying over happened and I was glad she was able to be apart of Sunday morning goodness over at the Gregory’s. It was a yummy breakfast and wonderful people that I love. After taking Holly home I drove to mom’s to spend time with MaKayla again. I walked in and she turned and smiled, that’s a good sign that she is glad to see me and is in a good mood. She was cuddly and playful. I tried to take some pictures of her looking out the window but she kept turning to face me and grin, which I didn’t mind too much. I find that I’m amazed with children more and more all the time. Actually, I think I’m amazed with people more and more all the time. I like this feeling, I want to embrace it and nourish it. She kept rubbing her eyes but didn’t want to go to sleep. So, I had her lay down with me and we took a nap together. It was the perfect day for an afternoon nap, a peaceful day, a bit rainy and cold. I managed to make it home in time to catch a few good t.v. shows, flip through a book, and cook dinner.

It was a good weekend.

5175

OtR

Check out the Life section in today's paper.

or click here: http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051020/LIFE/510200328/-1/all

Almost there.

If I can finish a book by the end of this month I will be current with my goal. I have less than 100 pages in the book I'm reading now and I should finish today while waiting for my car. Yay!

What would you do...

Random question:

What would you do if you won, say, $10 million in the lottery? I mean, I know it's not likely to (ever) happen...but, say it did.

btw, ten points to whoever can come up with an antonym for mathematician. It was going to be the title of this post, in case you were wondering (but somehow more witty).

40,000?

A friend, brother, sister, niece, nephew, cousin, aunt, uncle, co-worker, mentor, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, husband, wife. It could've been you. If only we were born in another part of the world...

I want to know how you deal with that much grief, that much devastation when you are all that's left of the life that you once knew.

"The world is sleeping, I am numb." ~Brick, Ben Folds Five

Inventory

A black thumb is what I have. No, it is not seen by the human eye but easy-to-grow houseplants and flowers fear me. Since I've moved I have killed or let die at least five plant type things. It's sad.

I have one lonely plant left and I looked at her the other day, dying for water, and wondered how long she'd survive.

I'm taking bets, anyone interested?

Wish you were here

Despite many tears last night I have been in a super good mood all day today. It could be the crisp change in weather, the reality that a good weekend is ahead of me, the prospect of finishing a book or a large combination of things. Whatever the reason, I'll take it.

today

I want to quit.

resonating

"Because Of You" sung by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

It's only Tuesday...

but, I'm thinking about this weekend! So, weekend plans have been made and I'm super excited!

My mom's in Savannah (I wish I were there) and this is "our" weekend to get MaKayla so I get to pick her up after work on Friday and spend the whole weekend with her. My mom tends to hog her to herself. Tho, I did call Daniel the other day and it sounds like he's going to make an effort to take off work on Saturday so he can spend some time with her. Even if that happens I'm excited that I am able to spend time with her (and hopefully my nephew as well).

That's the plan for Friday night.

Saturday I'll probably be going to the Wool Fest with my family. http://www.kywoolfest.bravehost.com/

Sunday I'll be having breakfast at los gregory's and then meeting my mom at the airport that afternoon.

At some point this weekend I'm going to Reb's studio.
The Essex is having an open art walk all this weekend. You can find the address on their site.
http://www.essexstudios.net/


I'm extremely excited!

I haven't posted about last weekend but I had a great time.

huh

So, I asked a guy....still no clarity.

daydreaming haiku

a surprising kiss
the stoke of midnight, New York
complexity flows