breaking the silence

I'm not sure I have any dedicated blog readers left (not that I had too many to begin with) since I have neglected updating as much as I have. I feel like the only way to describe my life as of late is with a vague "life is difficult" comment. There is actually much more to that than I give my life credit for. (crap, did that make any sense?) Actually, I feel that if I go into much more detail than that about my life I'm not sure what reaction I would receive. I feel like I've been in this huge slump for a long time now, entirely too long, and I think I actually know how to go about fixing the situation or at least bettering it but I haven't been able or willing or even both to do anything about it. (If I'm honest with myself it is most definitely the later)

These last few months (and especially the last few weeks) have brought on a huge surge of emotions for me. I actually believe I have been depressed, something I never pictured myself being. Most days I have very little confidence (which sucks for trying to find or even have the desire to find a job). I feel abandoned, worthless, neglected, crushed, left out, incapable, lazy, and desperate.

There are a few glimmers of hope in what I've found to be a very disparaging situation. I'm hoping that some of this self-awareness will help me to dig myself out of this rut. I've picked up A New Kind of Christian again and I think it is helping me put words to what I am feeling.

anywho, I hope to blog again soon. hopefully, it will be with much better news.