I don't understand

I don't understand love.
and I don't understand God.
Add to that that I really don't understand myself.
I'm not sure what makes me think these things. Other than the feeling of uncertainty inside of myself. Ok, some people at this point may say to "just pray about it". That's all well and good. Prayer is awesome and I've been a part of many amazing experiences of prayer. But, all I want to do right now is scream. Maybe if I scream I could just release all that i'm feeling and that would help me to think that things are better. I think I'll probably just cry. Crying really helps me sometimes. It's a weird thing for me and probably weird for other people to think that I could just cry and everything is fine after that.

I want to just be upset at the way my life is and be allowed to let it be and not be told that since I feel this way there's something that I should be doing to actively make it better. I KNOW there are things that I could do to make it better....it's just my lack of discipline, obedience, faith, love, desire, trust, faithfulness (etc) that gets in the way.

Maybe I'm just tired and need to get some sleep.